"Two are better than one, because they have agood return for their labor." - Ecclesiastes 4:9 NIV
I am not a fan of reality TV. I used to watch a lot of them in my teenage years but as I grew up, my brain required a clever and more constructive type of content. As for now, the content I consume has to be interesting, challenge me intellectually, touch me emotionally or be genuinely funny.
Part of my self-care process is to be careful with what I feed my soul with. It's okay to watch lighter content but it still has to be a "smart" content. I remember being addicted to American TV shows where girls used to fight each other just to prove they were tough, and they constantly undermined and insulted one another... It only taught me how to curse other people and how to instigate a fight. Dope, right? I became aware of that so I had to cut the whole thing up. These shows weren't funny or entertaining anymore to me, they were meaningless and time-consuming. They were killing my vibe so I had to give up on them.
However, while searching for light and good mood content, I ended up watching "Love is Blind" on Netflix. It actually is a mix between two shows we had in here in France, called "L'Amour est Aveugle" (which literally means love is blind" and "Married at first sight".
"Love is Blind" is a social experiment and here is how it works. 15 men and women are confined in different houses for weeks. Their goal is to find love, so they spend their days going on blind dates. In fact, the participants are in pods and cannot see who they are dating. They can only hear each other's voice and built a bond, an emotional connection from there. The participants eventually fall in love - even after a couple of days - and get engaged... Without even seeing the person they have fallen in love with.
Then, the experiment continues. They meet, go on a pre-honeymoon in order to know each other better and see if they are physically attracted to one another. They go as far as moving in together, meeting their lover's family and getting married. This thing is real guys. Very real. The whole experiment happens within few weeks.
I was lookingfor a good vibes, good mood content and this is exactly what I found.
First of all, I love love. There is so much beauty in seeing a man and a woman in love, looking at each other and interacting with one another. This is pure. This is real. This is love. "Love is Blind" got me reflecting on love and relationships and here what I appreciated about the show.
1. Emotional connection vs. physical attraction
The social experiment promotes the importance of an emotional bond between two people who are romantically involved. Connecting physically with someone is easy but meeting the person who gets you, and who you feel linked with on another level, that's special. The beauty of the soul comes first and this is so non-millennial and my old soul appreciates it.
In nowadays societies, everything is based on looks and this is unfair. I mean, a sister could have the sweetest soul but nobody is going to check on her because the lady is not revealing herself on social media. And yeah, women judged "least attractive" are most likely to stay single because men are visual beings whereas women are more likely to be looking further than the physical aspect.
Let's not be hypocritical here, at the end of the day, the physical appearance matters. I think you have to be attracted to your partner in order for your relationship to fully work. However, this shouldn't be the only nor the main factor in the equation when it comes to love.
One of the ladies in the show struggled with that. She seemed to have found the perfect partner but she didn't pursue the relationship because the man didn't fit the standards of beauty she was used to. And this is one of the questions that the show highlights: Would you pass on a good soul just because it wasn't wrapped the way you wanted to?
This actually is a funny story. My girls kind of set me up to talk to this guy and date him because he liked me and they thought we would be cute together. I couldn't really escape so I dated him for a couple of days and then I called it quits. He was adorable and stuff but I couldn't see myself with him because he was... short. For my defense, i am short and I have always had a thing for tall guys - I love basketball, remember? - I thought we would look like dumb tiny twins together.
Moreover, I was a teenager and I didn't know better. This criteria was so important for me, that I blocked my mind from developing any type of romantic fiber with him, whereas we were vibin and had a lot in common. I basically friend zoned him before the friend zone was even a thing. Did I regret it? No, because I had my mind made up and I didn't want to waste any of our time but I have to admit, it was pretty awkward to see him at school every day, while he was looking at me with his puppy eyes - because this is how broken-hearted he was - and also to learn that one.of the girls who set me up with him ended up dating him, without telling me.
So yeah, I have learned my lesson. Try to know people before you ditch them and eventually, their inside beauty will make their outside beauty shine brighter before your eyes.
2. The focus on love
I also found it interesting that the participants were literally taking notes about their dates and really working on finding their other half. They would spend days talking, interacting with their potential future husbands and wives. We don't dothat nowadays. We don't stop living just to find love. We don't focus onfinding love. It comes when it comes, we let the thing flow. I don't know if it's about faith or laziness here, but it seems like we are not in a hurry.
I wonder if it isn't also related to the fact that our generation finds less delight in commitment than our elders. Think about it. Out parents were already married with kids at our ages - speaking to the millennials over here. Our grandparents were married and had their lives figured out by the time they become legal.
I wonder iffinding love has become secondary. We are more focused on finding happiness within ourselves (I spoke about it here), fulfilling our personal accomplishments, instead of trying to find someone to build something up with. We are not rushing things, we are not even worried to be single, we are just appreciative to find at times someone who helps us to reach our couple goals. This is a paradox when you think about all the relationship apps you find out there. But let's be honest, they are not made to find someone to hubby or wifey.
So what can a woman do in order to find a life partner? (Besides the obvious of course, having herself together, going on dates, being more flexible about her expectations…).
Should the lady put her life on a hiatus to go searching for her man or should she let him find her?
Faith is involved in both situations.
“Seek and you will find" (see Matthew 7:7) or we know that in all things "God works for the good of those who love him" (see Romans 8:28)?
Life is so easy, I love it. Let me know what you would do or did in when it comes to both scenarios.
3. The privacy of the relationship
I liked thefact that on "Love is Blind", they stayed lowkey for a whole year and a half after the show.
In fact, I have always struggled when it comes to sharing stuff about my love life on social media. I surely would enjoy seeing my cute couple pictures getting likes on the Internet... However.
When you share about your relationship, people believe they got a key to enter your two-way circle. They give their opinion check on your love story and expect some things out of it. They will press you about getting married, having kids... as if any of these topics was any of their business.
The relationship is not exclusively about you and lover anymore as everybody feels entitled to comment on it.Imagine strangers and family members trying to instigate disputes between you and your partner, pointing out his or your defaults 24/7, comparing him to your exes, critizing tne way you live your love story... That's a lot to put up with. I don't think we need this kind of energy. Building a life for two is difficult enough.
You have to understand that some people don't want to see you happy, don't want to see you with your partner and will do what they can to break your relationship. So protect it as much as you can. Stay lowkey.
To go back to "Love is Blind", they have been secretive about their relationship for about a year, which allowed them to exist as a couple and strengthen it before throwing themselves to the public eye. Tnis was such a good move. I have seen relationships being broken due to the networks so always make sure not to overshare about your love story, which is still a private area of your life.
As you may have understood, I highly recommand you to watch "Love is Blind" on Netflix, if you haven't yet. It is really pleasant to watch people fall in love and interesting to question your own perception of love and relationships.
Do I think love is actually blind? It can be. Depending on the emotional connection you can make with someone and on your will to make a relationship work. It's about how your heart and soul are disposed to give and receive love. Just watch the show and you will understand what I mean.