Once upon a time, I was depressed. I was reeeaaally depressed. I had come to the conclusion that I had no reasons to live anymore. Nobody counted on me nor depended on me, and I grew further and further from people I used to love. To be honest, I had more reasons to die. I mean, I got saved so technically, if I die, I am supposed to go to Heaven right? Plus, you know what we say, "Heaven's a better place." It is. Why would I want to stay on this earth when I could be gone and resting with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
Now you are confused because that makes sense right?
Anyway, my mental health situation made me feel terrible. I came to the point were I started to envy drug addicts and alcoholics. How pathetic is that?
Let me explain. At least, they had a reason to live. A toxic and fatal one, but still. They aspire to do at least one thing of their day; I didn't. They have at least one goal in life: I didn’t. See how this stupid depression messed up my way of thinking? No self-esteem, no self-love, nothing.
If it wasn't for God giving me the strength and will to live, I would have let myself die. Indeed, I wouldn’t have committed suicide because I was still a God-fearing person, consequently, I would have waited patiently for my last day to come.
This is pathetic, I am aware of that. Going through depression is something I don’t want to fall into again and most importantly, I don’t want people to experience.
Therefore, if you are going through depression or know someone who must be going through it, don’t look away.
Seek help guys. There is no shame in being depressed. Actually, we have been caring things by ourselves for so long that our mind can't take it anymore and has a breakdown. Take time to take care of yourself, physically, mentally and spiritually. Jesus and I are working on it but he has already taught me that I didn’t have to carry my burdens on my own – put it on the altar! – and that in his arms, I could find love and peace:
“Come to me, all you who are burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28
Most importantly, I have learned that I was loved. That changed my whole life. Jesus loves me, died for me and protects me. He has anointed me and made me a chosen one. I am not worthless, purposeless and alone, I am a Child of God. That means something.
Actually, that means everything. I was made to be a light of the world and to help, encourage others. I am thankful that I made it through depression and I hope and pray that you will to. Please don’t give up on yourself and keep believing in God because He is good and makes miracles. If He has done for me, He can do it for you too.
“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9