We are human and we feel things. We have a heart - and I have a big one - that feels emotions, Some people feel too much, some others don't feel at all - in what case you are sick and need therapy - but being seen as vulnerable is something nobody enjoys. I don't. I was taught not to show my emotions and keep it all inside. I wasn't free to cry or I would have probably been given a "real" reason to if you know what I mean.
Being sensitive or emotional is not usually seen as cool. That's corny, No one wants to be or see that. Therefore, i have learned to be quiet and to keep all my emotions inside my heart. Eventually, my heart got too heavy and I had to be rescued by the Holy Spirit himself.
On top of that, I had trust issues because I had been abandoned before and the few people I trusted showed me I shouldn’t have. So I was alone, only counting on myself and hiding all these toxic feelings inside. I was basically dying without even knowing it. I didn't believe anybody cared enough to help me and I was too proud to ask for help. I would have had to show how vulnerable I was and I couldn't do that. I had an image to sustain. I had to be that strong dude (this is my expression to say ""bonhomme"" in French, there is no equivalent for female so we will use this term anyway).
Consequently, I fell into depression and once again, if it wasn't for the Lord himself, I would have let myself die because I had no more purpose, self-esteem nor love left in my heart. This was a tough one, a huge breakdown for me.
Please don't do what I did, If you need help seek help. Nobody cares about your pride.
"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." - Proverbs 16:18
Seek help. Talk to someone, a friend, a family member, a counselor, a Human Resources manager at work, a therapist, your pastor... Whoever. Just talk to someone who could be able to help you. And when it comes to that, Jesus Christ is the answer, trust me.
You can feel like he is far away sometimes and that he has forgotten about you but he hasn't. He is here, he is always here. The Lord is just waiting for you to come to him. If you can't do it yourself, ask someone to do it for you, ask someone to pray for you. Once again, don't be too proud or shy to seek help. You will be surprised of who is willing to help you because, no my dear, you are not alone.